No going back…

So after my blog post yesterday some people have said, aren’t you just better starting dialysis straight away? So you feel better? 

They mean well, I know they do.  But once I start, there is no going back, that will be it. Dialysis will be keeping me alive.  I can’t pick and choose when I want to go, if I don’t feel like going I can’t ring them up and say ah I don’t fancy it today or actually I’ve got better plans.  Dialysis will be a permanent fixture in my life once I start it, until I have another kidney transplant. 

I will be tied to a machine for 12 hours a week.  Those 12 hours don’t include travelling or other hospital appointments, they are just the 12 hours I will be physically attached to the machine.   Dialysis is hard work, there will be a strict diet and a strict fluid restriction.   It’s draining, there’s the major leg cramps and last time I suffered from almost constant nausea.  It’s not a magic fix but it is going to keep me alive so I can’t complain.  

Don’t get me wrong I will start dialysis when the doctors tell me to.  I’m not stupid and I wouldn’t jepodise myself but I’m not about to just roll over and give up.  I want to do some of this on my terms, last time I had no control whatsoever, this time there is slightly more flexibility.  I will do everything I can to remain dialysis free for as long as I can possibly stand and for as long as it is safe to do so.   I want to make more dialysis free memories, I want more dialysis free time with A. 

Once the world of dialysis is back in my life…  there is no going back… 

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