So after my blog post yesterday some people have said, aren’t you just better starting dialysis straight away? So you feel better?
They mean well, I know they do. But once I start, there is no going back, that will be it. Dialysis will be keeping me alive. I can’t pick and choose when I want to go, if I don’t feel like going I can’t ring them up and say ah I don’t fancy it today or actually I’ve got better plans. Dialysis will be a permanent fixture in my life once I start it, until I have another kidney transplant.
I will be tied to a machine for 12 hours a week. Those 12 hours don’t include travelling or other hospital appointments, they are just the 12 hours I will be physically attached to the machine. Dialysis is hard work, there will be a strict diet and a strict fluid restriction. It’s draining, there’s the major leg cramps and last time I suffered from almost constant nausea. It’s not a magic fix but it is going to keep me alive so I can’t complain.
Don’t get me wrong I will start dialysis when the doctors tell me to. I’m not stupid and I wouldn’t jepodise myself but I’m not about to just roll over and give up. I want to do some of this on my terms, last time I had no control whatsoever, this time there is slightly more flexibility. I will do everything I can to remain dialysis free for as long as I can possibly stand and for as long as it is safe to do so. I want to make more dialysis free memories, I want more dialysis free time with A.
Once the world of dialysis is back in my life… there is no going back…