So health wise, I am in much the same position as before.
I have had another operation on my arm to try again to form a fistula. I had the operation done by my consultant and again it wasn’t as straight forward as we hoped. The procedure was due to take half an hour to an hour and I was down for 2 hours. I was awake during this operation which wasn’t the most pleasant experience ever but I got through it.
Once the operation had finished I was told it had worked! I was so relieved. This was the Wednesday and I was due to go to Take That on the Friday. Unfortunately the op took it out of me and I was in quite a bit of pain and was unable to attend. I was also scared of getting it knocked or jeopardising it working.
By the following week the scar had got gunky and red and I went to the hospital to have it checked. I was prescribed antibiotics for the redness and was taken for an ultrasound scan which showed it wasn’t working. Deveststed was an understatement, going through the uncomfortable operation, recovery and infection for it to not work was so disappointing.
At this moment in time I have been visiting clinic at The Royal Liverpool Hospital every other week and blood tests in between. I have been told that unless my symptoms get more severe or I feel unwell I don’t have to go to clinic and I will be due back at the hospital on the 26th June for an operation. I will have a graft inserted into my arm (this will be a plastic tube inserted under the skin during another operation and will work the same as a fistula.)
I’m still suffering with the usual symptoms of kidney failure, swollen, breathlessness and extreme exhaustion. I can’t go a day without having a sleep and some days I don’t get out of bed or leave my flat. Days that I do manage to go out, I value and enjoy the moment only to pay for it a for a few days afterwards.
I find it hard between getting the balance of preserving myself and my health by not going out and on a day that I don’t feel too bad pushing myself to the limit and paying for it afterwards.
I don’t want to waste my dialysis free days staying in bed but some days it’s a must to recover from previous antics. I always worry that people see the photos of me out and about and think “she’s not as bad as she’s making out”. Truth is I don’t shout about my bad days or put photos on of them. I’m not ready to bare all just yet, maybe one day. I do my best to remain positive and putting photos of bad days or always writing about them would not benefit me right now.