So tomorrow is the day. The day I’ve been counting down to, the day I’ve been looking forward to but secretly dreading at the same time.
When I first got told dialysis was to rear its ugly head again in the very near future one of the first things I said was oh no the holiday? I told Mum she would have to go even if I couldn’t, we looked into dialysis over there and soon realised that it wouldn’t be cheap, my auntie stepped in and said she would pay for it as there was no way I could afford that myself. Thankfully I have kept myself stable enough to be able to enjoy my last dialysis free holiday. Thanks to my consultant, the team and also I believe not working, preserving myself, listening to my body and resting when I need to.
I’m looking forward to feeling the sun on my face, enjoying my first holiday with A, his first time abroad and him and Finley will also celebrate their birthdays this week. I can’t wait to make some memories to treasure and help me get through the bad times that lye ahead only round the corner. I can’t wait to swim in the sea, jump on a jet ski and sup the odd cocktail.
Why have I been dreading it, you may ask. I know that this will be my last dialysis free holiday for a long time. I know that an operation is just round the corner and dialysis is in my very near future. I will have to rely on being tied to a machine to keep me alive, I will soon have the uncertainty of waiting for a transplant. This holiday kind of marks the beginning of the end of a ‘normal’ life.
Abi asked me if I was getting better the other day and I stupidly said yes, I didn’t even hesitate. Mum soon piped up, but Auntie Holly’s kidney is very poorly. That will be another conversation that I will have to have sooner rather than later (she’s too smart to keep things from). Thankfully I’m sure she’ll save all her awkward questions for her Mum to deal with later on!!!
I’m also slightly nervous about how much I’m going to be able to do, or not do. How well I will feel or will I be keeping everyone back. I’m just happy that I can go.
Here’s to the memories. Here’s to my JollyHolly days!