Filling in the gaps (part 2) 

I woke up in theatre… I’ve never been as scared in my life, I didn’t know if I had woke up mid operation or not.  Thankfully I hadn’t. The operation was over, I had just woken up a little sooner than expected and I have a clear memory of it (when most people wouldn’t.)

Within seconds of waking up I was sick. (This is normal for me). However they were not prepared with a bowl in theatre, I was sick all over the dressings they had just put on and all over my gown so they had to change both whilst giving me an antisickness jab, it was all a bit traumatic and I can remember them saying “she’s not cooperating with us!” (Haha they know me so well). 

Anyway the rest is all a bit of a blur. I was in lots of pain and my back was the worst.  I remember complaining about it and them turning me in the bed to try and get me comfortable but nothing would work.  They offered me morphine but then couldn’t give it me as my blood pressure was playing silly buggers.  I was sent for a chest x-ray and I remember crying in pain, my left side was hurting because of the graft, my right because of the neckline and add my back into the mix I was a bit of a mess.  

I don’t remember my parents seeing me after the operation and sent them some texts asking why they weren’t there, I didn’t realise I’d sent these in the middle of the night! I lost a day somewhere, I think I had dialysis the next day through the neckline and again the following day.

On that day I off the cuff asked when there would be sign of home (thinking another week) and the doctor said right lets get you out today! I was so shocked! I rang A, my parents and then it hit, I can barely make it to the toilet, how am I going to cope at home.  Those thoughts lasted all of 2 seconds when I thought of getting home to Buddy.  

Those first days at home were spent living downstairs (sleeping on my parents sofa). Not getting dressed and a constant circle of tablets, BP checks and injections.  My parents and A as always looking after me, cooking for me and waiting on me hand and foot.  I found it extremely hard to sleep and get comfy, had endless amounts of pillows surrounding me and dozing off every so often, albeit sat up. 

That seems like a lifetime ago now, I find myself getting frustrated with what I can’t do at the minute – which is walk long distances, my legs feel like led and I get really out of breath and palpitations.  However when I look back on this blog I realise how far I’ve come, not being able to make it up the stairs to bed. 

I’m still struggling with my HB (blood count) which is 6 at the minute.  This leaves me feeling wiped out, heart races and out of breath.  I’m using the wheelchair for long trips out as I can’t walk far.  I’m looking at this as a temporary measure and if it means me enjoying a day out with less pain then that’s ok by me. 


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