I find it quite hard to write when theres no good news to tell.  I hate being negative but things are pretty sh*tty at the mo.  The nurses, A and my olds keep my spirits up but I would be lying if I said I wasn’t feeling downhearted about everything.

I can’t remember the last time I updated my blog and where we were up to so I’ll try and go back a bit to update you all.

On May 12th (I think that was the date) I had a call for transplant.  They’ve still got my Mums house number as the main point of contact because I always imagine the call will come in the night and I would rather her ring me and hear her voice than the hospital.

Again as my previous false call it was early morning, I was in the shower.  Aidan passed me the phone and said you might want to sit down.  Erm… no thanks I’m in the shower! I knew what Mum was going to say anyway.  I was told there was a suitable match, that I would need to dialyse at home then head straight to the hospital.

At this point I was still having problems with my graft so the nurse said she would meet me at my Mums and take some of the bloods they would need to do for the transplant testing process.  From what I can remember we managed to get one needle in and some blood out for the tests but I didn’t manage to dialyse.   I packed my bag and headed to The Royal.  They decided they would dialyse me on a single needle, this isn’t as good as two needles as you get recirculation of the same blood, therefore not as good a dialysis.

I managed ok on the machine, had various bloods taken, an ECG and finally a chest X-Ray.  Whilst I was down having that done the coodinator came and told A and my parents it wasn’t going ahead, apparantly they were all saying  they didn’t want to be the one to tell me.  When I came back up one of my favourite nurses took me into a side room and sat me down, I knew then that it wasn’t my time.   I was a little disappointed as I was further along in the process than my last false call, but on the other hand everything happens for a reason.

I was having major problems with my graft (Dialysis access) so it was decided I would stay in for that to be sorted whilst I was already there.

Since then I’ve had around 3 seperate operations under general anesthetic to try and salvage it and one rather depressing clinic… but I’ll save that till the next time!

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