Something about nothing

Got into the habit of writing a blog daily but I’ve come to write one today and I’ve not got anything interesting to write. 

I’ve had a couple of days of pain but nothing that was unbearable.  I’ve been keeping myself busy in the flat, having a clear out and selling a few bits and pieces. Now I’ve received my last pay slip every penny counts, I have cut back on some luxuries such as getting my hair done/eyebrows waxed, well needs must! 

I look at Facebook and everyone’s getting married, having babies and going to festivals.  I’m just here, glad if I can get out of bed in a morning and take stupid pictures of the dog! (They keep me amused anyway). 

I feel well a truly stuck in a rut, barely see anyone other than my family and A anymore.  My confidence has taken a huge dent.  I don’t go out alone anymore, my symptoms are really unpredictable.  I don’t even go to the shop on my own, I wouldn’t be able to carry the shopping.  I feel like my independence has been ripped away, this is before I even start dialysis, before I rely on a machine to keep me alive.  

This holiday is what I’ve been hanging on for.  I am going to do my upmost to make sure that this is the start of my rut ending.  To have small targets to reach, to walk the dog on my own say or go and get a pint of milk on my own.  Start small and work up.  I’ll get there, I know I will.